AI Disclosure:
Some portions of this post, including edits for clarity, formatting, and tone, were assisted by AI tools. All core ideas, creative direction, personal anecdotes, and final approvals are my own. AI is used here as a collaborator, not a ghostwriter.

Welcome to a new corner of the Field Guide—a place for experiments, not prescriptions.

This series isn’t here to sell you a one-size-fits-all formula for great writing. Instead, think of it as a living appendix to the Field Guide to Unsuccessfully Writing, Illustrating, and Self-Publishing Books—a space where I document how certain sentences came to life (or were rescued from death), and the small decisions behind them.

Here, I’ll share revisions from my own stories—what the first draft looked like, why it didn’t work, and what I finally did. If you’re in the thick of your own writing or editing process, maybe something here will help you break through a block, dodge a cliché, or just remember that every sentence is a second draft waiting to happen.

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Tip #1: Don’t Get Lazy with Clichés—Use Them, Then Rewrite Them

Clichés aren’t the end of good writing. They’re the starting line. They’re placeholders for something more specific, more strange, and—ultimately—more memorable.

The Original Line (Early Draft of Orange Vests, Transient Visitors, Month 3 Book 3):

Inside Osi’s SUV, they roared with laughter.

The Revised Line:

Inside Osi’s SUV, the Beach Boys were drowned out by an orchestra of lengthening larynxes, all puberty pitches represented, spontaneous cracks included.

Why I Changed It:

“Roared with laughter” was a lazy cliché. I knew what I meant—a car full of teenagers cracking up—but I hadn’t taken the time to actually hear what that would sound like. It wasn’t roaring. It was a mess of squeaking and cracking.

I didn’t have the right words until I did some research on why adolescent voices crack—and that’s when I found it: the larynx. Turns out, it lengthens during puberty, leading to the chaos I was trying to capture. Suddenly I wasn’t just telling you they were laughing—I was giving you the sound.

And all because I didn’t settle for the cliché.

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More of these writing tips and sentence autopsies are being added regularly. You can always find the full list over at the Writing & Editing Tips hub page.

Thanks for stopping by this little planet in the Universe. See you on the next one.

➡️ Start Here (not with a subscription, with the free field-guide).

✍️ Want Help?

I also offer Self-Publishing Services—consulting, editing, layout, and general “let’s survive this together” support. (This isn’t free. At least I don’t think so. I don’t have any clients yet.)

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Thanks for stopping by. I hope there’s a world here for you.
—David︎

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Email: dobsuniverse@davidoboyles.com
(Please include a subject line to help me sort your message.)

You can also find me here:

• Instagram (main author webpage): (@dobsuniverse)
• Instagram (kids): @el_yobo_2025
• Instagram (adult fiction): @transient33

If you want to use paper mail, please send to:

David O’Boyle

705 N Abingdon Street

Arlington, VA, 22203